So it's less than one week till I go to college, and I'm still not ready

Mentally I've been ready for this my whole life, but unfortunately life does not seem to want to jump the bandwagon just yet. I still have no classes, the school refuses to listen to my residency claim, and the closer move-in day becomes, the more I realise just how much I am going to be eating my own optimistic words declared so long ago. I went from being the one ready to move on with life, on the brink of jumping the bandwagon early, to the person that's so disorganized, hope seems like a faint glimmer in the future.

Yet I need to stop complaining. As put by the ever so wise Ms. Frizzle, it's time to take chances, get messy, and make mistakes! After all, life isn't worth living if you don't learn and grow from your experiences. It's all about development

Btw, it's very late here. I'm just messing with my new MacBook, which is very nice so far. Hopefully my Fella plush will come in the mail soon to join me in my coming adventure. Now why does my brain feel so fried?

I've been starting another drawing journal, this time using the 100 challenge I posted a while back to inspire me. As drawings get finished, I'll post them here in series. Meanwhile, I want to know if anyone has anything they want me to draw? Anything you want to challenge me with? Who know? I might be more likely to finish it... And I'm going to use both traditional and digital methods. *wootz*

Holla.

I think I'll post in the scraps to prove I'm actually up to something XD Does anybody ever look at those?

Or maybe just another chapter in the book of my life? I feel like everything has suddenly ended and I'm back to where I was before. The people I wasted my emotions and time on have all but abandoned my completely, and I feel so worn out that I can't even reprimand those that are actually helping me. I feel so ungrateful towards the people who are doing the most they can to help me. My friends, my family, people from school, and even the community. I'm scared to ask questions because I feel like their stupid or I won't get a response, and lose what little grasp I had on those that I thought mattered. But these things are what matter to me, and so I am left with those questions unanswered.

I don't know what to make of this world. I've been brought up with certain expectations of how I should lead my life, and these have become almost instincts in the way I interact with everyone. Sadly this is what gets me distracted from things that are important to me. I started seeing a psychiatrist and she really helps me direct my thoughts. I swear my brain never stops running, which is the main reason I get anxiety so often. The only true relief I can ever get is when I translate these thoughts into images, sketches, doodles. Things that may not make sense or become 'formal' works of art, but really they have depth than any fan art or cartoon I could ever conjure up with today's expectations.

This year I plan to accomplish several things. Graduating high school is one. Getting the IB diploma is the next (though goes together with the previous one). Getting accepted into college would be very nice. Drawing at least one thing everyday, even if it's really simple, in order to relieve stress that I might not even be conscious of at the time. To be a better person and not be so moody around the people that I care about, and instead direct any negative energy towards the doodles mentioned previously, or the people who have caused the upset in the first place.

What do I want this year? Proof that the things that once made me feel like I mattered in this world actually happened, and that I can look back to on a terrible day to make myself better. I will always have the memories, whether hidden or available, but it's different when you can show the world. I've always had horrible self-esteem, and this is all tied to the physical world. If I ever hope to gain sanity, it would be to make my mark. Show the world that I was here, and that I did not let the worst get the best of me.

Thanks to anybody who is reading this out there. I hope everything is going well for you, and that this New Year brings about the best!

Wow, so I'm a senior now in high school, and haven't posted a journal since last year. It's so crazy because sooo much has happened in my life since then. I've gone through the best and worst times, I've gotten stronger friendships, and lost others. It's just crazy how in one year, so much can change! As for my art work, I've been working on a lot of things, it's just up until last month I didn't have a working computer and getting the artwork up was too much of a hassle so I posted a few scraps, but not much else.

My main problem is colouring. I always feel weird about inking a sketch I've done (that looks really good in pencil) so that I can colour it, and I don't want to post something that looks half finished as a deviation. As for digital art, I've tried starting that up again but I can't seem to find the time or patience to ever finish anything on there (yet I still want a tablet? XD). So anyway, I'm making it my mission to have some deviations posted soon, no matter how unfinished/simple/whatever they may look to me. I really think I've improved since I last posted stuff on here, so who knows? Maybe I'll be inspired to do some bigger projects.

I'm not sure if I'll do this or not, but I decided to just post the list here, and I'll just update it with a link for any pieces that fit a theme

The only thing I'm really hesitant about is perhaps having to do these drawings by hand rather than photoshop, because it gets really tedious after a while without a tablet. But not to worry, as I will still do projects on photoshop! They just take a bit of time XD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The point of this challenge is to test and improve your skill as an artist.

The rules:

1.) Make 100 pieces each one having a theme listed below. Only one theme per piece!

2.) No time limit so have fun!

3a.) Pieces should be of own artistic ability. You may not edit photos, or break any other rules set out in the DA etiquette policy. Your pieces can be anything from sketches and doodles to great masterpieces. Just have fun with it.

4.) The list below is to be placed somewhere in your journal for others to see that...
A.)You are in the challenge
B.)What you have completed

5.) Make sure to update this list with a link to your deviation.

Now the good part. CHALLENGE YOUR FRIENDS. CHALLENGE ME.

THE LIST

1. Introduction
2. Love
3. Light
4. Dark
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory
12. Insanity
13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Fortitude
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Tears
27. Foreign
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Standing Still
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
99. Solitude
100. Relaxation