Or maybe just another chapter in the book of my life? I feel like everything has suddenly ended and I'm back to where I was before. The people I wasted my emotions and time on have all but abandoned my completely, and I feel so worn out that I can't even reprimand those that are actually helping me. I feel so ungrateful towards the people who are doing the most they can to help me. My friends, my family, people from school, and even the community. I'm scared to ask questions because I feel like their stupid or I won't get a response, and lose what little grasp I had on those that I thought mattered. But these things are what matter to me, and so I am left with those questions unanswered.

I don't know what to make of this world. I've been brought up with certain expectations of how I should lead my life, and these have become almost instincts in the way I interact with everyone. Sadly this is what gets me distracted from things that are important to me. I started seeing a psychiatrist and she really helps me direct my thoughts. I swear my brain never stops running, which is the main reason I get anxiety so often. The only true relief I can ever get is when I translate these thoughts into images, sketches, doodles. Things that may not make sense or become 'formal' works of art, but really they have depth than any fan art or cartoon I could ever conjure up with today's expectations.

This year I plan to accomplish several things. Graduating high school is one. Getting the IB diploma is the next (though goes together with the previous one). Getting accepted into college would be very nice. Drawing at least one thing everyday, even if it's really simple, in order to relieve stress that I might not even be conscious of at the time. To be a better person and not be so moody around the people that I care about, and instead direct any negative energy towards the doodles mentioned previously, or the people who have caused the upset in the first place.

What do I want this year? Proof that the things that once made me feel like I mattered in this world actually happened, and that I can look back to on a terrible day to make myself better. I will always have the memories, whether hidden or available, but it's different when you can show the world. I've always had horrible self-esteem, and this is all tied to the physical world. If I ever hope to gain sanity, it would be to make my mark. Show the world that I was here, and that I did not let the worst get the best of me.

Thanks to anybody who is reading this out there. I hope everything is going well for you, and that this New Year brings about the best!